


here i am with arms unfolding (guess it isn’t quite the end)

by JewFlexive



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Child Abuse, Childhood Friends, Consensual Underage Sex, F/M, Muggle Life, Teenage Dorks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-01-04 07:00:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12163851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JewFlexive/pseuds/JewFlexive
Summary: In which Lily and Sev make their way back to each other despite (or maybe because of?) the fifth year fiasco, mending the broken parts of themselves in the only way they truly know how: Together.(Previous Title: "I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference")





	1. i can’t hate you but oh it stings

**Author's Note:**

> I've seen so many of these fics, and I love them all so very much, so I thought I'd try my hand at this very popular trope. Lily forgives Severus, Severus rejoins the Light, and Hogwarts drama and the war make everything even more needlessly complicated. 
> 
> Please feel free to send any constructive criticism my way, as I am still very new to the wonderful world of writing fanfiction. Of course, if you could also tell me what you enjoy, I would love top hear it so that I continue to provide quality content. 
> 
> Well, here we go!
> 
> (All chapter titles and the new title are lyrics/titles of songs by British singer/songwriter Dodie Clark. Her music is really shaping the writing of the fic, so I thought I'd let that happen in the presentation of it, too. I'll put music recs with each chapter so you can listen while you read.)

_ Mudblood _ . He had called her a  _ mudblood _ .

Lily groaned and turned over again in her bed. She didn’t even remember much of what had just transpired by the portrait hole. That wasn’t entirely surprising. Mary and Marlene had insisted that she nurse her hurt with firewhiskey, and while she knew it was dreadfully inappropriate for a prefect to drink, she had done so, if only to blur the knowing glances her friends threw at each other.

Her headache only served to aggravate her further, though she should have known to expect it. Finally, she opened her eyes. It wasn’t as if she was going to sleep at all tonight. She was still in her school robes, so she didn’t bother changing as she heaved herself out of bed. Her wrist watch, one that had been given to her by Tuney in one of her rare bouts of kindness during Christmas, indicated the time as two in the morning.

Before slipping out of the room, she grabbed her wand, stifling a giggle as Mary snorted in her sleep, mumbling something about hippogryphs and Sirius Black’s abdominal muscles. What Mary--- or really any girl--- saw in that prat she would never understand. He may be unbearably handsome, but the attractiveness was skin-deep, if yesterday was any indication.

Lily clenched her fist as she thought of yesterday, before carefully dismissing the reminder. She padded quietly through the Common Room, ignoring the Fat Lady’s complaints at being woken up by an insubordinate student. She didn't exactly know where she was going, her only destination being  _ away _ . She let her feet take her where they pleased, as the tears that had threatened to flow all day finally poured down her face. Her silent sobs wracked her body as she walked to a small alcove next to a large picture window. 

She knew where she was. But Lily didn't understand  _ why _ she was where she was. This was not a happy place, not anymore. This had been the Hogwarts equivalent of The Spot, the grove in which her and her (ex) best friend spent most of their days in the summer. This had been the place where they had griped to each other about the O.W.L.'s, read Lily's parent's letters from home, argued about the benefits of different Potions strategies, and where they had shared countless boxes of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Candy Beans. She could still remember Severus' look of absolute delight when he had actually managed to get a normal flavor piece.

Lily didn’t smile at the memory, instead, her breath hitched as she saw a figure sitting on the small futon in the little nook. The figure had yet to notice her in the shadows, so she studied it. It was lying back, breathing unsteadily. It was wearing robes, which, by the looks of things, were in tatters. A surge of worry erupted in Lily's chest, and before she could think better of it, she walked toward the figure, eyes widening as she realized it was Severus, though he was dead asleep.

He looked awful. There were tear stains on his pale cheeks, but before Lily could feel any semblance of grim satisfaction, she noticed the bruising. He was going to have two black eyes, and he had a split lip. There were bruises on his neck, ones that looked suspiciously like hands. But the worst part wasn't the bruising or the blood. In his hands, he clutched two halves of his wand. That sight alone made Lily's blood boil. She knew that wand had been a Prince relic, and while it had never really liked Severus, it was all he had. While she was still furious with him, not to mention unbearably hurt, she knew he hadn't deserved this... any of this.

She pondered over what to do for a moment. It was much past curfew, so if she took him to the infirmary, she would quickly receive at least a week of detentions, something she wasn't to keen on doing for Severus, given the circumstances. On the other hand, his breathing was labored, his eyes and lip didn't look so good, and he didn't even have a wand to defend himself against whoever did this should they decide to return. 

Mulling over her options, Lily walked to the picture window, looking at the grounds, lit up by the stars and the near-full moon. She wasn't going to forgive Severus anytime soon, maybe not ever, but as she looked over his shoulder at his fitful form, she remembered the boy with those big black eyes who promised a world beyond her wildest dreams. Severus may not want to be that boy anymore, and Lily would have to accept that, but in memory of Sev, her Sev, she would take a detention.

She moved silently towards him, shaking his shoulder. She had been gentle, but Severus yelped in pain, and awoke with a start, still clutching his broken wand to his chest. She stepped out of his sight quickly. 

"Who's there?' Severus rasped, gingerly rising from his horizontal position. Lily took note of his favoring his left arm. "I don't want any trouble," Severus said again, his voice shaking as he tried to speak normally. His throat was obviously in pain, which wasn't surprising, given the bruises around his neck. "I don't have a wand, either. So if you're going hex me, can you make it quick?"

Lily's heart broke at the resignation at which he voiced his request, and promptly decided it was cruel to keep in suspense. 

"I'm not here to hex you," she said, only a bit harsher than she meant it. His eyes widened as he turned to her voice. She muttered a quick Lumos so that they could see one another. However bad he had looked in the shadows, he looked ten times worse in her wand's dim light. They studied each other for a long moment, and Lily noticed how Severus seemed to be drinking in the sight of her like he'd never see her again. She ignored the glimmer of that something she'd seen in his eyes since last year, motioning for him to stand. 

"I don't think I can," he murmured in response to her non-verbal request. "At least not by myself. My ankle is sprained."

Lily wondered why he sounded so certain, but she honestly didn't care. She was already regretting her decision of speaking to him, as his voice, albeit raspy and laced with pain, was the same voice who had called her  _ that _ . But she had made her bed, she'd have to lie in it. She reluctantly helped him up, only grunting a little as she shifted her weight to accommodate him. He muttered an apology through his teeth, and only then did Lily truly realize how much pain he was in. He held onto the pieces of his wand like a lifeline as they slowly made their way to the Hospital Wing. The only sounds were his ragged breathing and the occasional expletive in regards to the pain. 

Lily had never heard Severus swear, and she was actually kind of happy to hear the colorful language that made its way past his mouth. It made him seem less put together, more human. It also went to show how far his mask had fallen, a mask she'd only begun to notice recently. She did not voice her satisfaction with hearing him swear like a sailor, she only walked slower and let him place more of his weight on her as they went up stairs. 

When they reached the Hospital Wing, it was nearly half past three, and Severus was struggling to stand up, much less breathe. She knocked hard on the door, calling out Madam Pomfrey's name loudly no less than twenty times before the bleary-eyed mediwitch opened the door. She took one look at Lily and the boy leaning on her shoulder like she was the only thing supporting him when she gasped and ushered them in.

As the door shut behind them, Severus' legs finally gave out, and he crumpled to the floor in a faint. Madame Pomfrey rushed to his side, her wand furiously taking note of all his vitals. She levitated Severus to the nearest bed, and ran another diagnostic spell on him, sighing all the while. Lily watched as the mediwitch removed the tattered robe and took note of Severus' injuries, the sight of which made Lily feel ill. Blood soaked through his button down shirt, and his ankle was twisted into a position that couldn't be natural. His left arm was riddled with cuts, many of which were a ghastly green color. Lily cursed silently.

Madame Pomfrey finally finished the diagnostic spells and placed a stasis charm on Severus before turning to Lily. 

"I'm not going to ask why you were walking the halls after curfew," she stated, holding up a hand as Lily started to respond. "I know your two Houses may not be on the best of terms, but set those rivalries aside for a moment. What did you see?"

Lily decided to ignore the rivalry comment as she launched into a brief retelling of how she found him, pointing a shaking hand towards the wand pieces that were still in Severus' hands. Madame Pomfrey was silent as she finished speaking, instead studying her charge. 

Madame Pomfrey was a striking woman, and her icy blue eyes rarely showed any trace of her true emotions. As she looked at Severus, though, the mediwitch looked quite concerned. That glance enough was enough to shake Lily out of her silence.

"Will he be alright?" Lily was shocked at how worried she sounded. She was just another prefect finding an injured student. Obviously he wasn't going to die--- Madame Pomfrey looked much too calm for  _ that _ to be the case. So why did she care? Why hadn't she walked back to the Tower straight after relinquishing him to Madame Pomfrey? She worried her bottom lip with her teeth. Madame Pomfrey seemed to take Lily's blatant discomfort as concern, and quickly assuaged her.

"He'll be fine," the mediwitch assured her. "He has some pretty serious injuries, however--- two black eyes, a split lip, a broken ankle, whatever happened to his arm..." Madame Pomfrey trailed off, before shaking her head quickly. "All things considered, he’s endured much worse. He'll be able to go back to his dorms tomorrow evening."

Lily nodded dumbly, not truly processing Madame Pomfrey’s words, before turning to go. But then a noise stopped her. Severus was mumbling something, whether the sounds were actual English words, Lily didn't know. Before she could dismiss them, however, Severus' agitated words became quite clear.

"Stop, Dad," Severus whimpered. "I won't do it again. Promise. Just don't--- Mum!"

Both she and Madame Pomfrey rushed to his bedside as Severus began thrashing, trying to keep him from further injuring himself. His eyes were shut tight, he kept calling out for his Dad to  _ stop, goddamnit! _ , and it was all Lily could do not to rush over to Spinner's End right then to throw a few choice words (and punches, if she were perfectly honest) Tobias Snape's way. 

Lily had long suspected Severus suffered from bad dreams, but nothing in the world could have prepared her for this. By the time Madame Pomfrey spelled a Calming Draught into Severus, Lily had tears streaming down her cheeks. As Severus calmed, she herself slumped into the nearest chair, not taking her eyes off of him. Madame Pomfrey didn't look at all surprised, however, and continued to heal Severus' injuries.

Lily watched Madame Pomfrey perform the spells numbly, paying close attention to the wand movements and muttered incantations. This helped her steady her breathing as she wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her robe. Now she knew she wasn't concerned about Severus. She was bloody  _ terrified _ for him. That demonstration was not one she'd quickly forget. The unadulterated fear and desperation in his voice... she never wanted to hear him talk like that again. Ever. 

Severus had never been an enigma, but as Lily watched his sleeping form, she realized how little she knew about him. She had known he wasn't exactly happy in Spinner’s End, but she had never imagined how unhappy someone could be in their own home. She wondered idly if that was why he spent so much of his time during the holidays with her family. Obviously, even Tuney wasn't as bad as Mr. Snape. At that realization, she gasped, earning herself a questioning look from the mediwitch. Waving her off, Lily thought deeply about her revelation.

She and Severus weren't friends anymore, Lily was going to hold herself to that particular fact forever. Friends didn't call friends racial slurs, or consort with those angling for the oppression of their friends. But Lily wasn't going to leave Severus at the mercy of his father, because if the nightmare was any indication of how things were at home, Severus wasn't safe there. She may not care about Severus anymore (she inwardly cringed at how dishonest that thought sounded,) but he was still a person who needed help.

And Lily was going to do just that, even if he'd never do the same for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONG REC: "Arms Unfolding"


	2. am i allowed to look at her like that?

Severus  _ hurt _ .

He could feel his skin shifting as bones and tendons realigned themselves, but that was okay. He’d certainly felt worse. But as he moved to sit upright, Severus bit back a groan, feeling a sharp, twisting pain in his left arm. Struggling to open his eyes, Severus groped for his wand with his good hand, only to come up empty, his fingertips only brushing against rough cotton sheets.

“Shite,” Severus muttered as he finally pried his eyes open to survey his new environment. The room he was in was bathed in soft light from a circular window across from him. Even that small amount of light made Severus’ eyes want to scream, but he forced himself to study his surroundings. There was only one exit, a wooden door that Severus could only guess led out to the main room of the Hospital Wing.

No easy escape, then. Why the hell not?

Severus was ready to give up on sentient thought and fall asleep again until he shifted, and his left arm stung with that severe pain again. He hissed and carefully extracted his arm out from the covers to inspect the injury. There was most certainly a curse in his bloodstream, and given the nature of the cuts, Severus knew it was one of Mulciber’s new ones. Severus remembered this particular hex being called  _ Vulnere Interitus _ . The charm would slowly break the skin on Severus’ arm apart, leaving it a hulking mess of blood and muscle within a month, if Severus didn’t die of an infection first.

Mulciber sure was a sadistic bastard.

“A sadistic bastard who couldn’t guard against a counter-curse to save his life,” Severus murmured to himself darkly. He’d cast his counter-charm,  _ Aedificare in Cute,  _ once he retrieved his wand.

Thinking of his wand, Severus’ more alert eyes swept the room once more. He was in a private examination room not too different from the others he used in September when he had to endure Pomfrey’s mother-henning. Raking his gaze over every inch of the room he could without moving off the bed, it took Severus several minutes to accept that his wand was really nowhere to be found. This time, Severus  _ did  _ groan, but not out of pain. He  _ needed _ his wand--- besides the fact that he was attending a magical school, his wand was his only true form of protection nowadays. Especially in this particular position. Severus couldn’t hope to throw any good punches in this state.

Suddenly, Severus heard shuffling from behind the wooden door, and he steeled himself for a confrontation. He knew to prepare himself for the worst--- either his Housemates would curse him in ways that Madame Pomfrey couldn’t hope to rectify, or Potter and his mates would curse him into oblivion, as they’d threatened last night.

Even though Severus didn’t believe in any god, he asked whatever impossibility that could be listening right then to look after his mother. His mum would need all the protection she could get.

If either group of boys came in, Severus was simply going to surrender--- there was no heroism in getting hexed to incapacitation. But when the door opened, the entryway revealed someone else. Someone Severus had sworn to avoid.

Lily Victoria Evans stood under the mantle and Severus wanted nothing more to disappear. Anyone-- even Potter-- would have been a better alternative than Lily. Hell, Severus might have invited Tobias over for tea and crumpets if it would have helped him avoid this.

The two of them stared at one another for a few long moments, sizing one another up. Severus did feel guilty for assessing Lily like she was a threat, but who else could have told James bloody Potter about his favorite place to think? She was the only one who knew, and while Severus had never thought Lily vindictive, that fact was hard to ignore.

Severus was oddly pleased when Lily was the first to break eye contact. He loved her, of course. Desperately. Lily was his best friend and he had hurt her badly. This would probably be their last interaction, and while the thought of that made Severus  _ ache _ , part of him seemed to think it was for the best. Because Lily, strong, loyal, beautiful Lily, had laughed.

He’d been humiliated, and she’d  _ laughed _ . 

Severus couldn’t forget that, just like she couldn’t forget what he’d called her in his red-hot anger. It was over.  _ They _ were over. 

He almost felt relieved. Lily was amazing, and certainly the most wonderful person in Severus’ life, but she was also the quintessential Gryffindor. She saw the world in a series of binaries: good vs. evil, Gryffindor vs. Slytherin, and light vs. dark. And she’s expected that thought process of Severus, too.

While Severus would readily admit that his choice of company in Slytherin House was odious at best, he didn’t really have an alternative. Mulciber and Avery had been his roommates for years, and had been the first of his house to speak with him like an actual human being. They’d made him feel intelligent, capable, and important-- and Severus had never felt important anywhere else. 

Severus had been nothing before Mulciber and Avery. He had been a part of the scenery in the worst possible way, and the two boys had pulled him out of anonymity. Severus’ skills in potions and spell-creation were lauded, and Lucius had begun providing potions ingredients once he’d graduated so Severus could save some money.

But after what had happened the night before, Severus knew he’d soon be longing for the days when no one knew his name.

“I found you,” Lily finally blurted out, her voice snapping Severus back to the present. “You were pretty badly hurt. Madame Pomfrey said you probably wouldn’t remember…” She trailed off and stared into Severus’ eyes a little helplessly.

Despite his best efforts, Severus couldn’t help but be floored at how beautiful Lily was. Her mossy eyes were soft and shining, and her hair caught the light of the room that made it seem like her head was covered in copper threads. She was wearing a Muggle outfit, and, to Severus’ delight, she hadn’t removed the pendant that rested on her throat. 

Severus had bought that last summer at the local jeweler after Mr. Evans had taken him out for the day. It had felt strange to be spending time with Lily’s dad without her, but Severus had had a surprisingly enjoyable day. The necklace was simple-- just a blue stone encased in some gold swinging from a chain, but Lily had kissed Severus on the cheek for it and hadn’t taken it off since she received it. He was glad to see that she was still wearing it, even if it was unconscious on her part.

“I, uh,” he started, stumbling over the syllables. Shaking himself, he continued stronger, “Thank you. I didn’t remember. It was a… rough night.”

Lily made a non-commital noise and walked over to Severus, hovering over the foot of his bed.

“You can sit,” he blurted out. “I mean, you, uh, shouldn’t have to be standing when I lazing about, yeah?”

Lily just stared at him, and Severus felt himself deflate. “Of course, I know you would rather not. I understand completely that you probably don’t even want to be in the room with me, Lily, and I get it, really---”

Lily cut his ramblings off by sitting down next to him and grabbing his hand in her own. Lily lifted his hand to her face and planted a nearly imperceptible kiss to the back of it, and Severus just about died. Her eyes were piercing, and still a little angry, and Severus felt as if she could see everything within him in a single look. 

And, Merlin, if _ that _ didn’t terrify him more than any Marauder.

“Shut up, Sev,” Lily said tightly, lowering his hand, but not relinquishing it. “Just shut up.”

Severus was all too happy to oblige, not minding in the slightest that Lily was cutting off the circulation to his right wrist. The two of them sat in silence, and Severus was content just to look at her--- this wonderful girl that both scared and comforted simply by her presence. She was going to leave soon enough-- Severus wasn’t about to hope for any sort of reconciliation-- but at least, years later, he’d be able to remember this moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONG REC: "She"


	3. i can finally see you’re as fucked up as me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONG REC: "Sick of Losing Soulmates"

Lily watched Severus as he breathed, paying more attention to each inhale than she did to any of her O.W.L.’s. His chest still rattled while he breathed, and Lily pretended not to notice how Severus winced with each gasping breath.

He’d always hated showing weakness.

But Severus looked stronger, and his black eyes were already faded into nearly nothing. Lily couldn’t check Severus’ cuts for obvious reasons, and he still looked like death warmed over, but Madame Pomfrey was right--- he’d be well again by tonight.

After her swift examination, Lily thought it best to make some conversation. It should have been easy-- she and Severus had never once run out of things to talk about. And maybe their discussions of late had been more like shouting matches, but Lily would have preferred that to this awkward silence. 

The events of the last twenty-four hours sat heavily between them, an unwelcome third party, and Lily could see hope and resignation in Severus’ dark eyes. Lily didn’t begrudge him that. She was sure he could see the same in her own.

Lily instinctively squeezed Severus’ hand. She’d taken it for no other reason that to get his attention--- she hadn’t meant to hold onto it this long. And she’d sure as hell never intended on kissing it! But watching Severus--- eloquent, careful, steady Severus--- stumble over his words had broken a small part of Lily that she hadn’t known existed. He had never so much had stuttered as long as she’d known him, not even when Potter and his awful friends harassed him.  

Severus was  _ strong _ . The person she’d always be able to lean on when she needed someone. She had never once seen him flinch in the face of any insults, taunts, or hexes. And that had made her feel better. The fact that she didn’t have to worry about him made everything so much easier--- made being  _ angry _ with him so much easier. Because he’d be fine in the end. That was just how it was.

But looking at Severus now, breathing in his brokenness, Lily thought that she might have been wrong. Severus wasn’t all together now, and maybe he never had been. Lily had always been grateful for his constancy--- no matter how angry she was or how much she yelled at him, Severus was there when she needed him. Lily knew from experience that he would drop anything if she needed him, whether she knew she did or not.

Could Lily do the same for him? She wasn’t sure. She had never committed yesterday’s particular faux pas, had never insulted Severus based on aspects of himself he couldn’t control intentionally. But looking into Severus’ dark eyes, the intense, overwhelming anger she had held onto like a security blanket last night unraveled, leaving only an aching sense of failure. He wasn’t Dark, not yet. But Lily was afraid he would be.

“Lily?” Severus murmured, his hand a warm, solid weight in her own. Their fingers were woven together tightly, and Lily idly noticed how nice his callouses felt on her palms. “Lily, do you have my wand?”

Lily stiffened and her heart sank.

“Sev…” She trailed off hopelessly. This was going to be difficult. This was going to  _ hurt _ . She cleared her throat and tried again.

“Sev, your wand got snapped last night,” she said softly, rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand. “I don’t know who did it. But I’ll help you find them and whoever they are will most certainly pay for a new one once I have some words with them.” She ended her response hotly, forgetting for a moment that she was supposed to remain calm and collected when giving this kind of news. But  _ really _ , who did these arseholes think they were?

“Are you happy then?” Severus snapped, his dark eyes blazing as he yanked his hand away from hers. “Have you had your fun? Or should I be expecting another visit from your champions?” He spat out each word like a curse, but Lily could see his eyes were wet.

“Severus, what---”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know,” Severus snarled, his face harsh and his white-knuckled hands gripping onto his sheets. “Who else knows about our place? Who else would know I’d be there?”

_ Oh. _

“Severus, that wasn’t me!” She gestured wildly, hoping that at least one hand motion would capture Severus’ attention. When he looked at her again, Lily continued quickly. “I’d thought that Potter was just--- I didn’t know that they could--- those bloody boys mapped Hogwarts, Sev. And they can see anyone on it, no matter where they are. That’s how you were found. It has to be.”

“They’ve  _ mapped _ Hogwarts?”

Lily nodded mutely. Severus’ disbelief was palpable, but at least he wasn’t angry anymore. Lily had thought that Potter was only postering when he said he and his mates had mapped Hogwarts. That the stupid piece of parchment that they guarded like it was gold was something stupid--- like a schedule for who was up to prank, or a list of Black’s conquests. But it must have been that map. 

“They’ve mapped Hogwarts,” Severus whispered again, his incredulousness almost comical. “Of fucking course they have.”

“If I had known---”

“It’s fine, Lily,” Severus looked at her, exhaustion rolling off of him in waves. “I’m sorry I snapped.”

“Don’t apologize for  _ that _ , Severus,” Lily replied reaching over to smooth the blankets that had been shifted during Severus’ display of anger. The dry skin on her fingertips caught on the soft thread, and her wince of discomfort caused Severus to grasp her hand firmly in his once more. She paused, heart in her throat. “Don’t ever apologize for that.”

“Alright,” he murmured softly, staring at their interlocked hands with a singular, fiery focus. “I won’t apologize for that. But, I will say---”Lily flinched, but Severus continued, unaware of her discomfort. “---That I have never said that word before, and I won't ever again. I don’t like it. It’s rotten and mean, and it feels wrong in your mouth when you say it.”

“Then why?” Lily croaked, too shocked to pull her hand away. “Why did you say it?”

Severus laughed darkly and looked up at her, his black eyes shining with tears. “If it makes you feel better, I meant to say ‘cunt.’ But you were laughing... don’t look at me like that, Lils, you were. And that bloody  _ hurt _ so I wanted to hurt you back. It was petty and childish. And I  _ am  _ sorry. But… there’s not much else by way of a reason, Lily. I don’t know what I can say beyond all I’ve said already” 

Lily shook her head slowly. She didn’t remember laughing when Potter had been showcasing his cruelty, but… it was possible. Potter had been so very charming lately, and, well, it was quite honestly flattering how often he pursued her. Perhaps, Lily conceded, she had been caught up in all that. Maybe she’d laughed, maybe she hadn’t laughed. What mattered was that Severus was convinced she had.

Which, of course, made the entire situation even more complicated. He’d meant to call her a cunt, but he’d wanted to hurt her so he decided to call her a Mudblood. Lily could believe that story--- Severus’ temper was prolific, and he was prone to last minute experimenting in everything from potions to landscaping back in Cokeworth. But, intentions aside, Lily had the facts. The facts showed that that horrid word had passed through Sev’s lips with all its implications spilling out along with it. The facts showed that Severus hung out with boys that probably drew on skull tattoos every morning, anxious to finally get the real thing. The facts showed that Sev dabbled in Dark magic.

The facts were terrifying and damning. But the emotions involved… they changed things. Everything, really.  So Lily took a leap of faith. 

“I’m angry, Sev,” she stated firmly, gripping his hand tighter as she spoke. “And I’m not sure how to move past this, but…” 

“But?” Severus prompted, gratitude and hope replacing unshed tears.

“But,” Lily drew out each word slowly, thinking as she went. “I’m also not so sure we can’t.”

Severus didn’t reply. He only hauled her into a strong hug, completely disregarding his injuries. Lily chided him softly, but allowed herself to hold him back just as tightly. She wouldn’t let go. Not yet. Hopefully not ever. 

  
  



	4. 'cause i'm too damp for a spark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: One passing comment by Mulciber implies possible violence that could be construed as sexual assault. Not explicit, but if that bothers you, be careful below the black line.

It was eight o’clock at night by the time Madame Pomfrey finally let him free.

It had been a harrowing day. The counter-curse to Mulciber’s spell had been Severus’ _secret_ , his private triumph, but without a wand, he couldn’t cast it. Severus had resorted to an impromptu lesson, which Madame Pomfrey had refused to take part in unless the Headmaster was there.

_It’s an unregulated spell,_ she’d said, trying another low-level healing charm with a frustrated huff. _To do it, I need a third party to make sure we’re managing the risk._

Severus had snorted, and Madame Pomfrey had shot him a shrewd look before shrugging. _I’d ask Horace, but his brother’s ill. The Headmaster will_ have _to do._

Sometimes, Severus had the mad thought that Madame Pomfrey didn’t approve of the Headmaster and his methods. But the empirical data was there and damning-- she’d never reported Dumbledore’s negligence, as her Healer training dictated. And she was a fastidious Healer, so clearly she wouldn’t break her vows. Ergo, Severus was still the only one in all of Britain thoroughly disillusioned by the old codger.

In any case, Dumbledore had give him a detention––-  _him_! --- for being out past curfew, never mind that it _hadn’t_ been curfew when Severus had sat down in the alcove. And, of course, the Headmaster didn’t believe that it was Perfect Potter that had orchestrated the whole thing. Severus didn’t even bother mentioning the map. It still sounded barmy, even to him.

But the worst part was how bloody _impressed_ Dumbledore seemed when Severus explained the counter-curse. He’d said that Severus had _surprising_ promise. Ha!

It was cruel, Severus thought, for Dumbledore to act so shocked. The man couldn’t have been bothered to learn a thing about him. It wasn’t only that Severus was at the top of the class every term. Severus had been submitting countless other spells to the Headmaster for approval for two years. Severus couldn’t get them patented as a student without Dumbledore’s permission--- something about the “intellectual property of the institution.” Now he knew why he’d never gotten letters back from the Ministry. They’d never even known about his talents.

Severus told himself he didn’t care as he stood from the cot, instead choosing to focus on the look of wonder on the mediwitch’s face as his arm had righted itself that afternoon. It had been nice to see. Madame Pomfrey was kind, for all her faults. She was always very discreet about home things. Severus liked her.

“Glad to see you up and about,” Regulus commented as he sauntered into the Hospital Wing. At fourteen, he was still perfecting that swagger his brother was so overly fond of, but that was alright. Reggie was a good guy, if a little arrogant. But then again, most Slytherins were a little arrogant, Severus included. It was the way of things.

“No thanks to your brother,” Severus replied, flexing his fingers. The nerves hadn’t been damaged at all, then. Good.

“He’s not my brother,” Regulus snapped hotly. “He’s a coward who’s too wimpy to attack you head on because he knows he’d lose.”

“He’s your brother, Reg,” Severus sighed before bending to grab the bag Lily had forgotten at his bedside. He’d have to give it to her later. “An idiot and a sociopath, but he’s still your brother.”

“Merlin, you’re really selling him, Snape.”

Severus turned to face Regulus, meeting his eyes with a dark smirk. “I’m not trying to sell him. Only it hurts his oh-so-righteous reputation to have a little brother who’s outperforming him in classes _and_ is a slimy Slytherin. Let me have this one.”

Regulus snorted as he walked over to sling an arm around Severus’ shoulders. “For you, mate, I’d sew his ugly mug back into the tapestry the Muggle way.”

“Ah, so your mum finally did it then?”

“Nah, she lost out on the pleasure. He did. Nearly burnt it to a crisp. Never mind that it’s a family heirloom that’s centuries old. Ol’ Siri needed to make a point, and make it he did.”

Severus winced in sympathy but Reg waved it off.

“It’s fine. I got a real brother right here.”

Severus shot his a grin and both boys left the Hospital Wing for the dungeons.

* * *

“Just so you know,” Reg mentioned nervously as the two of them reached the Common Room entrance. “Ave and Darius aren’t finished with you. I tried––”

“You have yourself to think about Reg,” Severus cut him off. “I get it.”

“No, you don’t,” the younger boy argued, pulling Severus back from the door. “They’re furious about what you did. Wrote Lucius and everything.”

That made Severus stop short. He swallowed and leaned on a nearby wall. “They wrote Lucius?”

Regulus nodded, his face grave. This was bad. Severus was suddenly extremely glad that his home address wasn’t listed on any Wizarding database.

“He said they couldn’t kill you,” Regulus murmured, joining Severus against the wall. “But that leaves a litany of options.”

“Options I’ve guarded against, Reg,” Severus sighed. “I knew this would happen eventually. My mistakes aren’t as easily brushed under the rug as a pureblood’s.”

Severus’ friend made a small noise of agreement. They both stayed silent for a few minutes.

“Well,” Severus broke the silence and straightened his back. “Unless we want to sleep out here, we’d better go in.”

Neither boy moved.

“For Merlin’s sake,” Severus huffed, plucking up his courage and walking up to the door and saying the password. “Asp.”

The door groaned open and he walked briskly through it, smiling inwardly at Regulus scrambling to catch up. Severus went to go to his dormitory but found that Avery, Mulciber, and one of the Goyle clan blocking the entrance.

Severus _really_ wished he had his wand.

“Look who’s back, boys,” Mulciber crowed. “The dirty-blooded traitor. What brings you back here Snape?”

Severus sighed. So this was how it was going to go. This was already boring him.

“I’m here to single handedly overthrow centuries of Wizarding history, didn’t you know?” he deadpanned, righting the bag on his shoulder. He sighed again as Mulciber’s glare didn’t waver. “Look, Darius, I live here. I’d like to keep living here, too, if it’s not too much trouble. So can you move? I need to finish planning my infiltration of St. Mungo’s Potions Facility.”

“You’re not gonna live to plan anything, half-blood,” Goyle grounded out, his hands balling into fists. His wand was sticking out of his pocket rather obviously, Severus noted. If it came to blows, it would be simple to commandeer it.

But the game had rules, and it suited Severus to follow them that day.

“You aren’t planning on killing me,” he said instead of grabbing the wand. “You’re planning on making my life hell, sure. Maiming me? Of course. But killing me would be in direct violation of your orders, and I doubt you want Lucius Malfoy as an enemy.”

Avery’s eyes widened. “How did you–”

“Cissa likes me,” Severus cut him off. “She informed me of your letter.”

It wasn’t a complete lie. Narcissa did like him, and he’d probably get a letter from her tomorrow. But Severus wasn’t about to throw Reg under the bus–– the other boy was his friend, and he did try to help Severus when he could.

The boys weren’t moving. The four of them took in a silent stand-off for a minute or two before someone spoke again.

“Look,” he finally told them. “We’re all afraid of Lucius, yeah? But let’s be clear–– Cissa’s the frightening one. And she has his ear. So let’s just––” he took a step forward so that he was a hand’s distance from Mulciber. “Stay out of each other’s way for now.”

The three of them stepped aside (finally) but Mulciber, of course, had to have the last word.

“You shouldn’t get too cocky, Snape,” he hissed as Severus walked past him, his stubby fingers pawing at Lily's bag. “You have weaknesses and we know them–– Evans is such a pretty thing, and so vulnerable too. I’d remember your place, if I were you. For her sake.”

Severus wouldn’t let his pace slow, and his mask didn’t falter. He tightened his grip on the bag and slowly extracted it from Mulciber's grip coldly. But he suddenly felt horribly small and scared.

Wasn’t Hogwarts supposed to be safe?

_Well,_ he thought to himself later that night, as he missed his wand terribly and started at any sudden sound. _Hogwarts was supposed to be a lot of things._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONG REC: "When"


End file.
